Photo: Fr. Os with a group of rural health workers he trained in Orissa, 1980s.
We have permission to share the following letters and emails from some students of Os.
Email from a journalist and family counsellor
Session with Os on 28.09.2011
1. Problem:
I am having trouble with a client who I am helping to be admitted to a US college by editing her essays. (This is the work I am paid to do). She does not write any drafts or give information, but when I write something she says, "That's not what I want". But she still does not clarify her needs.
Therapy:
Os asked me about her life and I told him that both her parents are doctors. And that her academic scores throughout have been top class.
Os pointed out that with two doctors as parents she probably gets no approval, no psychic food. She needs someone who respects her for what she is doing.
So I could say to her,
"You are a very clever young woman. You can do what you want and I give you all my support. And I can give it as many times as you want."
"I respect your ability very much and I want to tell you that you are capable of doing work which many others could not do."
"Young lady, you can go for the course. You are clever and can get good marks because you have Permission to do that."
I will need to be a warm, loving person who wants to support her in her work.
"I give you Permission," (I say to her), "to be clever and doing well."
I could talk to my wife to determine how exactly to give the Permissions. I also told her, "I am fortunate to have someone who respects me."
Result:
1. On returning home at 7 pm, I spoke to my wife and called my client later (after 9.30 pm). Giving her the Permissions we had a warm-hearted conversation. And she became more forthcoming.
The next evening she was back to being cussed.
2. But the next morning after I had sent off the above report, she rang up with a smile in her voice and told me she had been promoted at work. I told her "I know you are capable of doing well" and she giggled in response.
I also forgot to add, my blood sugar (probably raised by stress levels) came down to normal. And I could also phone my doctor and he gave me antibiotics for an infection, so even my pain and low-grade fever went away by Friday.
So thank thank you again, very much.
Warmly,
S.
Letter from a Senior Human Resource Development Consultant
Dear Os,
Here is the work I did:
1. We began with a recap where we discussed the key elements of the mini-script:
a. the driver
b. the stopper
c. the vengeful Child
d. the pay-off
2. I also brought up the three drivers I recognised in the previous session:
a. Try Hard
b. Please Me
c. Hurry Up
3. You then asked me to think of instances from childhood for each and that included the two I left out -- Be Perfect and Be Strong.
4. Here are the instances I recollected:
Try Hard
I remember my father telling me that I cannot succeed unless I work very hard. He used to stress the "very hard" part.
Please Me
I remember being asked to choose a T shirt to wear. When I chose a black T shirt, my mother scolded me as black was not an auspicious colour to wear when travelling. I recollect being angry about it because I was asked to choose and my choice was criticized.
Hurry Up
Perhaps the statement I heard most as a child. I remember being very small when I was at a friend's house catching up on the class-work I had missed that day because of illness. It was late evening and my father came looking for me. When he found that I was still copying the day's lessons, he smacked me on the back, saying I was a "slow coach". That was the first time I heard that word. I did not know what it meant then, but I knew it was not something good and I was 'slow". It is a thought I have often carried with me.
Be Strong
When I asked my mother to write a note in my autograph book - she wrote only two words " Be Brave". I often have heard her say it and have admired her courage to the extent that I have wanted to be like her. Especially since I saw my father as weak and not in control over his speech.
Be Perfect
Scouting used to teach me to "Be Prepared" and I remember reading an article (much later) saying you cannot be prepared for
everything. Also, if I got 18 / 20 in a test, my mother would ask me where I lost the two marks. She would often tell me to be my best
and once when we saw a TV programme, where JRD Tata said that the secret of his success was that he wanted the best and nothing but the best. I remember my mother saying "See I told you so".
5. Recollecting all this made me feel sad. I visualised my Child being sad but sitting close to me -- my around him and he talking
wide-eyed at you.
6. On your suggestion, when I told him that I am here to work things out with him, he immediately brightened and smiled through his tears. He felt much closer to me and had an arm resting on my lap. I felt much better after this conversation with my Child.
7. We both agreed to stop the session for now and to continue our work next week.
That's it then. I will meet you coming Thursday
Regards,
V.
Dear Os,
Here is the work I did:
1. We began with a recap where we discussed the key elements of the mini-script:
a. the driver
b. the stopper
c. the vengeful Child
d. the pay-off
2. I also brought up the three drivers I recognised in the previous session:
a. Try Hard
b. Please Me
c. Hurry Up
3. You then asked me to think of instances from childhood for each and that included the two I left out -- Be Perfect and Be Strong.
4. Here are the instances I recollected:
Try Hard
I remember my father telling me that I cannot succeed unless I work very hard. He used to stress the "very hard" part.
Please Me
I remember being asked to choose a T shirt to wear. When I chose a black T shirt, my mother scolded me as black was not an auspicious colour to wear when travelling. I recollect being angry about it because I was asked to choose and my choice was criticized.
Hurry Up
Perhaps the statement I heard most as a child. I remember being very small when I was at a friend's house catching up on the class-work I had missed that day because of illness. It was late evening and my father came looking for me. When he found that I was still copying the day's lessons, he smacked me on the back, saying I was a "slow coach". That was the first time I heard that word. I did not know what it meant then, but I knew it was not something good and I was 'slow". It is a thought I have often carried with me.
Be Strong
When I asked my mother to write a note in my autograph book - she wrote only two words " Be Brave". I often have heard her say it and have admired her courage to the extent that I have wanted to be like her. Especially since I saw my father as weak and not in control over his speech.
Be Perfect
Scouting used to teach me to "Be Prepared" and I remember reading an article (much later) saying you cannot be prepared for
everything. Also, if I got 18 / 20 in a test, my mother would ask me where I lost the two marks. She would often tell me to be my best
and once when we saw a TV programme, where JRD Tata said that the secret of his success was that he wanted the best and nothing but the best. I remember my mother saying "See I told you so".
5. Recollecting all this made me feel sad. I visualised my Child being sad but sitting close to me -- my around him and he talking
wide-eyed at you.
6. On your suggestion, when I told him that I am here to work things out with him, he immediately brightened and smiled through his tears. He felt much closer to me and had an arm resting on my lap. I felt much better after this conversation with my Child.
7. We both agreed to stop the session for now and to continue our work next week.
That's it then. I will meet you coming Thursday
Regards,
V.